Sunday, December 28, 2008

Getting Our Veggies


Last week was kind of greasy, so we've decided to focus on the vegetables for this week. Here we have a very nice curried lentil soup with tomatoes and spinach (from the Gourmet magazine cookbook), which is as tasty a way to consume lentils as I can recall having. On the side, we have zucchini pancakes with mint and feta (from the Joy of Cooking - the highly superior 1997 edition, naturally), which are basically latkes with pretensions. Perfect for the last night of Hanukkah!

Hope you're all having a nice relaxing holiday. 2009 has the potential to be a good year, I think.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Xtreme Xmas Adventures

This is how extreme we are: Dinosaur BBQ cookbook chicken with andouille sausage and peppers, with a huge old pile of oatmeal chocolate coconut cookies to wash it down. Yeah yeah yeah. Life is good.

Hope you're having lots of fun, and getting lots of cool toys. Kaiyo likes his presents pretty well.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Chappy Cholidays!


Happy Holidays, everyone! Hope you're having fun and keeping warm.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Dinnerblogging, Part the Seventeenth

Another delightful meal this evening at the Gray / Taylor household. We had this spare can of crabmeat, you see, which I had forgotten to put in the Thanksgiving bisque, and I was determined to use it for something. We didn't have enough for crabcakes and we've had enough dip to last a lifetime (it's holiday party season, after all), so it was a bit of a pickle.

While I ate the pickle, I browsed through our cookbooks and found these delightful little numbers:

They're little fried crab rangoon dumpling thingies, stuffed with crab cream cheese filling, and dipped in Thai sweet chili sauce. Divine.

The recipe comes from a wonderful old cookbook my Dad sent us a couple of years ago, the "Treasury of Great Recipes" by Mary and Vincent Price. It's great fun. We made this yummy marzipan ginger cake from it for a party we went to yesterday, and the leftovers were perfect for dessert.

My favorite part about the ginger cake recipe (other than eating it) is that it points out that ginger is an "Asian plant". Delicious and educational!

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Delicious Pancake

Today, Anita made okonomiyaki for lunch. It was yummy. In trying to answer the puzzling "bacon on top or on the bottom?" question, though, Anita found this, which is even better!



There are many episodes, and they're all wonderful.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

Science 1, Mike 1

So, one awesome sexy hypothesis shot down today, but one phenotype turns out to be real. A decent balance, all things considered. I may actually graduate someday, especially since the thing that worked is my honest-to-goodness thesis project. I've got a committee meeting at the end of the month, and it'll be nice to have some good progress to show them...

Oh, and because it's not a real blog without random pictures of cats, here's a random picture of cats:
Don't they look pleased with themselves? You'd think they were the ones who caught the sheep.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Progress Report

After a person has been reading Damon Runyon stories for a certain amount of time, it becomes more than somewhat difficult for that person to hold up his end of a normal conversation. Fortunately, I am no stranger to the hairy eyeball, and in fact, am considered something of an authority on the subject in certain circles.

I am also in the grip of a cold, and we had the first snow of the season today. Yet, somehow, today was the most productive day in two weeks. Go figure.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

That's Two!


Molecular Microbiology (2008) Vol. 70 Issue 4, pp. 824-836

Another one or two and they'll let me graduate!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Why I'm Not A Biochemist

So, it turns out that the protein I'm trying to purify is only soluble when I overexpress it in a one liter culture, but completely insoluble when I grow the cells in any larger volume. This makes no sense. Stupid protein.

You need to realize this is also an enzyme which (once I purify the darn thing) is only active anaerobically, at temperatures above 70°C, with 0.5M phosphate, in the dark.

Oh yes, I'm certainly looking forward to the next few months. Yes I am.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

High Technology

Well, Leopold the laptop seems to have cashed in his chips. It's been a good 4 years, but his monitor has been reduced to fuzz and static. He still computes just fine, so we may be able to get it fixed, but nevertheless, it seemed like a good opportunity to upgrade to a more sophisticated arrangement:

Not only do we now have a large screen for watching DVDs, completely excessive computing power, and an extremely snazzy new operating system, but it came with a free printer / scanner / copier and a free iPod Touch, possibly the world's spiffiest piece of useless technology. We now own an iPod for every person and cat in our household.

We haven't named the new computer yet. The iPod is named Clarence.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Zen Awesome


Have I mentioned that I have one heck of a cool wife? Well, I do.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

The Best Thing Ever

Man, I think I'm totally going to have to go to Dublin one of these days for the Street Performance World Championship.

Here's 2008 champs The English Gents:


Check out Gamarjobat, too. They're something else.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Eventful and Enlightening

The excitement's been thick on the ground hereabouts lately. Yesterday we went to see the Dalai Lama speak (it was very cool, even though we had nosebleed seats) and went to a sake tasting party with Anita's Zen buddies. Lots of good food and tasty beverages. I feel well and thoroughly enlightened.

In non-Buddhist entertainments, Friday we went to see WALL-E, which was a cute little movie; not as good as Ratatouille or The Incredibles, but well worth seeing, and this afternoon we're going to hunker down and watch Dr. Horrible's Singalong Blog. Get it while it's still free!

A good weekend.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Found it!

"The thing I like about the Nashville Jug Band is they put the jug first. So many of the musicians today — they play the jug fine all right — but then they put the jug down. You got to live the jug. Every morning, everybody in this band — Ed, Jill, Tommy, David, Roy-Boy, John; Brent, Mike, Sam, Dean, Tom, Too Slim, even old Jim Rooney — they look in the mirror and they say ‘What can I do for the jug today?’ That’s what you got to do. Live the jug.”
—Too Slim, February 19, 1987

The thing I like: when you do a Google search for "live the jug", yeah, sure, the liner notes (PDF download) to the Nashville Jug Band album come up as hit #9, but hit #10 is the good old Prudence Risley Traveling Moonshine Orchestra.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Photogenic Phood Number Phive


On the menu this evening:

• Chilled Zucchini Soup

• Creamy Corn with Sugar Snap Peas and Scallions

• Grilled Mojito Chicken Breasts

Accompanied by a delicious Reinares Vendimia 2006, and to be followed by key lime pie with whipped cream.

Mmmm. Every now and then you need to cut loose. Anita is an excellent griller. From now on, she's in charge of the fire, traditional gender roles be damned.

Biggest Darn Mouse You Ever Saw


Tired of gigantic rodents infesting your home, drinking your beer, and putting the moves on your girlfriend? Laser eyes are the perfect accessory for the cyborg death machine in your household!

Anita's first week at Epic went well. They have a treehouse, apparently. She also has her own office. It seems that the money is flowing a little more freely in the healthcare software industry than in small animal veterinary practice. So far, so good!

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

A Sad Loss

I came home today to find that the first little green tomato on my tomato plant had disappeared. Vanished! Some sort of critter, no doubt, but this doesn't bode well for the rest of the crop. It was nowhere near ripe.

There are other flowers higher up the plant, so maybe whatever it was won't be able to reach. Sigh.

As karmic balance, Jorge sent out the diversity paper to Molecular Microbiology today, so that's good. Hopefully it'll go through all right. That'll be two papers - only one or two more and then I get to graduate!

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Evil City Stringband

Live from the Lost Dog Lounge:



Sometimes I miss living in Ithaca... Got to pick up that banjo again.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

She Got The Job!

Hooray! Anita got a job!

One business day after stopping work at the Animal Health Center, Anita got a call from the HR department at Epic Systems, offering her a position in "Quality Assurance". Basically she'll be on a team testing out medical software, doing her best to break it so that it won't have any problems when they send it off to hospitals. It's a far cry from veterinary medicine, but it's a great company, and seems like it'll be a lot of fun. Life is weird, but good.

To celebrate, she made cookies!

Also, we bought a bottle of 18 year old Talisker scotch (her favorite). Mmmm.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

The Unexamined Life

Boy, let your mind slip for a day or two, and before you know it, serious blog necrosis has set in. Bad blogger. No biscuit.

However, despite my inadequacy as an internet citizen, Anita and I have just managed to survive our first year of marriage!



We went to the restaurant where I proposed to her and had a lovely dinner, which was much less stressful than the previous meal. This whole being married thing is working out OK.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Good news!

In simultaneously exciting and disturbing news, Anita got laid off from the vet clinic this week.

On the down side, she only has two months to find a new job and the market for veterinarians is in very rough shape right now. On the plus side, she was sick of working there anyway, and now she can get a good recommendation letter.

We'll need to be frugal for a little while, until she finds a new job, but it should work out fine. At least she won't have that commute to Watertown for too much longer.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Lovely...

Every once in a while, you find some poetry which speaks to the very depths of your being...



What precisely it says to my being isn't quite clear, but I have always kind of wanted a pith helmet.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

The Saga of the Saag Paneer

Yesterday, we had adventures in Indian food! We made saag paneer. It was fun - here's how we did it.

Start with 1 quart of milk and a lemon. Boil the milk, and then stir in 3 Tbsp of lemon juice.
It congeals into a horrible mess.

Pour through cheesecloth (used for cheese for the first time ever!) and collect the curds.

Let it cool, then squeeze out the whey.

After you've got as much liquid squeezed out as you can, squish it for 20 minutes.

Chop up your cheese.

Holy crap! We made cheese!

The next thing to do is to fry up the cheese with a teaspoon of cumin seeds. Yummy.

Fry up an onion, 4 cloves of garlic, and 2 little red dried chili peppers.

Then, add a truly ridiculous amount of chopped spinach. (20 oz. - about enough to choke the average moose.)

Finally, sprinkle half a teaspoon of salt on, add back the cheese, and cook it down. Drain off the liquid. It says to cook it until all the water evaporates, but I'm too impatient and wanted to save some of the vitamins. Anita scoffs, but it worked out just fine.

Serve with tasty home-made naan!

A triumph! It's fun to make squeezy cheese. That's what we've learned this weekend. How about you?

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Spring!

Most of the aches and pains have subsided, allergy medication has been obtained, and life has returned to normal. I got my bike fixed, so now I also have no excuse for being out of shape.

It looks like Jorge's going to let me spend $1000 on getting a gene synthesized from scratch. I've been trying to overexpress and purify this Geobacillus enzyme in E. coli, and the codon usage is so different from what coli uses that I'm barely getting any product. So, rather than struggle with it any more, we send money to this company, they figure out what codons would work best in coli, whip it up in their DNA synthesizer, and voila: gene. If it works, it'll be great! (Another exciting adventure in science!)

Friday, April 18, 2008

SSMF Syndrome

Sudden Spontaneous Mike Failure, that is...

Oof. Knees hurt, neck out of joint, tendonitis in the left elbow (hey, that's a new one!), and the onset of allergy season - just having a lovely time this week.

On the plus side, I won a fellowship worth about $21K! I don't get any of the cash, but Jorge is happy, since it pays my salary for the year and frees up that money to buy sciencey stuff with.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Time For A Party

Well, here I am at home, in lovely upstate New york, celebrating my Baskin Robbins birthday. The dog is ready to party...

I guess I have to officially admit to being a grown-up now. Sigh. Someday I might even have to get a real job. (Don't hold your breath, though... :-)

So far, we've celebrated by having lunch at China Road, and there's the promise of Lieh's and Steigerwald bratwurst for lunch today. When I visit my parents, we celebrate in a fundamentally lunch-based format. It works out.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

The Upchuck Roundup

Back at the old bunkhouse, pardners, and I'm afraid the livestock have been a mite off their feed lately.

Today, after 3 days of Tobu barfing, Kaiyo decided to get into the action with a little puke of his own. Dagnabbit. I think hairballs are the problem, but it may just be recreational vomit. You can't tell with cats.

I told her ranching these little varmints was more trouble than it was worth.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Emptying Out The Camera

I finally got around to unpacking my bag from the trip we took to North Carolina a couple of weeks ago, and darned if there aren't a whole bunch of cool pictures on that there camera.

We went to see Dan and Amanda, which was just a ton of fun. North Carolina totally has springtime, which is a nice change for us northern folk.

They have a super-nice house, with a pool and a hot tub, a sunroom, a spiral staircase, and everything else you could want in a happening pad.

Pity it's infested by gigantic, laser-powered wildcats.









Of course, we're also struggling towards spring here. The snow is (mostly) gone, and temperatures have drifted into the 40s for a couple of days. We made pancakes this morning, and had to open the window to let the smoke out. The cats were very excited about the fresh air.

Kaiyo likes flowers. So does Anita. I've scored maor husbandry points for bringing flowers to celebrate spring. :-)

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Not Dead!

Spring was here (briefly), so naturally, I'm logy with allergies...

However, I am still alive, and need to point out the awesome wedding photos Dan took. They came out really well! Everyone should look at them and feel slightly embarrassed by all the smooching... :-)

We had a lovely time in North Carolina last weekend. Just two and a half weeks and I'm on the road again. Anyone going to be around Ithaca on the weekend of the 12th of April? I may mosey down, if you're not careful...

Sunday, March 09, 2008

The Tasting Of Scotch

I wasn't sure what to expect out of a Scotch tasting, really. It turned out to be quite a shindig.

When we got there, the place was packed. Forget getting a table. We staked out a corner of the wine shop, made a pile of backpacks, and gave the barista (is a male barista a barrister?) $14 in exchange for a cute little whiskey glass. Then, we proceeded to the tasting table, where a knowledgeable fellow stood behind a row of 8 different single malt Scotches and got us started.

The first was, in point of fact, Irish. Bushmills 1608, to be precise. He didn't skimp on the portion size, either. It was a bit of a rough start, especially facing down a row of 7 more. We began to be concerned, but determined that we needed to stick it out for the sake of science. I concluded that the Irish is intended as an outgroup for comparison to the Scotches to follow, and Tara told me my nerd was showing.

Number two was the Clynelish 14 year, a light, flavorful whiskey with the aftertaste of the sea. We begin to understand why Scotch is better than Irish. We're not sure how the whiskey picks up the flavor from being on the coast, but we're not complaining.

Numbers 3, 4, and 5 were progressively more expensive "sherried" Scotches (the Glenfarclas and Glenmorangie 12 years, and the Balvenie 17 year). All very nice, and you can certainly taste the sherry. Apparently, there's a booming trade in barrels headed to Scotland. A lot of Scotch is stored in used Kentucky bourbon barrels (made of French oak, of course) for the first 8 or 10 years, then moved to barrels which have been used for making sherry or madeira or port, and so on. To quote the tasting notes: "Fresh and beautifully light, sherried fruit combined with a tempting spicy sweetness and a hint of sappy oak...a hint of peat and delicious sweet sensations."

After 5 cups of whiskey, we all agree on the "delicious sweet sensations", and are now warm enough to abandon our jackets en masse. We hope no one is interested in buying Malbec. Anita purchases a cowboy cookie, feeling somehow that that is the correct hors d'ouevre for a Scotch tasting.

As we head back for number 6, we agree (somewhat fuzzily) that they're all beginning to blur together, and we wonder if we're in any state to appreciate Scotch any more. Did those last three really all taste kind of similar, or would we be just as happy with Thunderbird? Jeff feels it's important to let everyone know about bumwine.com at this point, and Yann forgets the English word for some kind of seed.

Ah! Number 6. Number 6 is a revelation. Number 6 is the Talisker 18 year, a Scotch which the tasting man says he has no idea why it doesn't cost twice what it does. (He also takes this opportunity to warn us of the great Scotch crisis coming. Save your pennies...) Number 6 is smoky, peaty, like Lapsang Souchong with a kick, like liquid bacon, like a wonderful, smoldering bog on your tongue. We like Talisker. Anita hums a happy little tune. Ashley reminisces about her study lake in the north woods, and tries to explain to Yann what bog smells like. We agree that either Ashley spends too much time doing fieldwork, or we spend too little.

On the home stretch now, we sip the Bunnahabhain 18 year, which is nice, and also peaty, but not, somehow, as satisfying as the previous. It's nicely balanced, though, again with sherry. I'm curious what a Scotch aged in a different sort of barrel would taste like.

The closer was the Ardbeg 10 year, an altogether rougher sort of a beverage, touted as "the peatiest of all single malt Scotches from Islay." Well. It's a little like an IPA, if hops were peat. That analogy was much more coherent at the time, although we may not have been. Definitely a strong flavor, and a good choice for the end of the flight.

In conclusion, Scotch is very nice. Time to stock up. Anita thinks we should keep a bottle of Talisker around, and I can hardly argue. What's one more expensive hobby? One more expensive, delicious hobby? Mmmm.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Terribly Remiss

I've been a miserable blogger of late.

Jorge has this plan to get the department to give me a fellowship (so he doesn't have to pay for me anymore, presumably), and I've been scrambling to get myself together for that. Most of the manuscript is done, though. A little biochemistry, one more chat with the evolutionary biologist, and I should have everything I need. (Cross your fingers and think good thoughts about HPLC.)

I've also started going to a jiu-jitsu class just down the road. Time to whip myself into shape, I think, and it gives me something to do while Anita is off shooting arrows at things. So far they've made me sweat pretty well, but not broken any major bones. Also, I now have a gi with a comically badly drawn badger on it. They only had the black ones in my size - I look like a balding cheese ninja. The young, well-muscled natives seem friendly, but I have yet to decipher all of their curious rituals.

Tomorrow we're getting together with some friends for a Scotch tasting at Barriques, up on Monroe St. It should be fun. Anita wasn't sure if she liked Scotch, so I took her to Vom Fass and they gave her a sample of the 24-year old single malt. She likes Scotch. :-) I will give a full report.

We're off to North Carolina for a visit with Dan and Amanda next weekend, so that's the big thing we're looking forward to in life. I understand it's spring there. And they have barbeque.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Beware of the Frog

So, say you're a paleontologist in Madagascar, and one day you dig up the 80 million-year old bones of a carnivorous frog the size of a beach ball. What do you call it?

Why, Beelzebufo, of course!

Saturday, February 16, 2008

New Furniture


We ordered a nice Lazy Boy reclining chair before we left for Hawaii, and this week's big excitement was it's arrival. It's super nice. Now we have a comfy place to sit! As long as you're willing to displace the cat... This picture was taken about 2 minutes after we got the chair set up. Say what you will about Kaiyo, he has excellent taste in furniture.

For my part, I've been listening to lots of Moxy Fruvous, and declaring life to be rich and sweet. How's things with you?

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Aloha!

Well, we have safely returned from our adventure in Maui, and it was great! Anita wants me to ask around and see if there are any good microbiologists to do postdocs with at the University of Hawaii. I'm not sure it'll come to that, but it sure is nice there.

For example, here's the view from our hotel room:

Winter is humpback whale season in Maui (more on that later), and we could see them swimming and breaching out in the ocean from our little balcony. It was a pretty amazing way to start the day.

Here's Anita, consulting our guidebook, which turned out to be very reliable, thank goodness.

We never would have found half of the cool things without it, especially restaurants. This is the Aloha Plate Lunch, in Lahaina. Plate lunch is the only way to go for dining on a budget in Maui. You get a huge pile of tasty food, generally with a scoop of macaroni salad on the side, for some reason. The plate lunches were usually enough for us to share, which helped save for the fancy meals (which cost and arm and a leg).

The fanciest thing we did was the Old Lahiana Luau, which was a lot of fun.

They start you off with a flower lei and free mai tais, followed by a tremendous traditional feast of slow-roasted pork, yummy fish, more things made out of taro than you've ever seen in your life, and general excess on every front. I've now established that I don't like poi. Good to know, I suppose.

The big event at the luau, though, was the dancing. After dinner, there was a hour or so of traditional music and dance to watch. It was very cool:

Those hula girls certainly know how to shake their hips. My goodness.

While we were in Lahaina, we took a 2 hour whale-watching cruise with the Pacific Whale Foundation, a non-profit group that works for whale conservation. As I said, we didn't have to cruise very far out to sea to get to the whales, so we puttered out into the bay and started looking for whales.

The boats aren't allowed to go closer than 100 yards to the whales, but the whales sometimes come closer than that on their own. Like this guy:

We got incredibly lucky. Two adolescent whlaes swam right up to (and under) our boat and checked us out, swimming around us, popping their heads up, spraying everyone with whale snot, and generally having a good time. The crew of the boat just about peed their pants.

They're beautiful animals. It was amazing.

The island is stunning. We spent a lot of time just hanging out on beaches. The ocean is hypnotic.

One thing which was nice was that the ocean in Hawaii doesn't smell like fish.The reason is that it's too warm for most plankton, which means that there really isn't much living in the water. (Nothing for the whales to eat, for example; they're just here for the mating season.) There are lots of fish on the reefs (we had a blast snorkeling), but it's basically an aquatic desert. That's also why the water is so clear.

So long, Maui! We'll be back...

Friday, February 01, 2008

BRB


But not for long! Off to Hawaii - be back in a week, tanned and rested (and angry at the TSA, no doubt). Until then, adios!

Monday, January 28, 2008

Post #200!

We had 48° and rainy today, and they're predicting wind chill of 30° below tomorrow.

In completely unrelated news, less than a week until we're in Hawaii!

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Mmmmmm

More astonishing culinary adventures tonight!

We went and checked out Sucré, a new dessert bar on the Capitol square. Oh my goodness. Very austere aesthetic - white walls, white leather upholstered booths, a little stainless steel here and there, slender waitstaff dressed in black. We had dessert. I had the Noir de chocolat, which was an incredible dark chocolate cake, with a truffle core and fresh raspberry sauce, and Anita had the Opera Tort, which was sort of like what tiramisu dreams of being when it grows up. A little glass of tawny port on the side, and it was just about perfect.

We're definitely going back. It's not cheap, but it's amazingly good. It's also the first place I've ever seen with absinthe on the menu. I may have to give that a try sometime, just to see.

Man, I love living in Madison.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Seemingly Old Timey

My Monday evenings have become unexpectedly free, and Anita's off at work, so I'm a bit at a loss for what to do with myself. So here's a little tune showing off the sad, spooky side of the baritone ukelele. (And coincidentally, a song where my utter lack of rhythm doesn't really matter.)

Head to Old Timey, Dammit for my rendition of Mike Agranoff's song "Gypsy Davey, One Year After". Gypsy Davey, of course, being the roguish hero of Child Ballad #200; this song takes a different look at the old story...

Saturday, January 19, 2008

A glass of wine, a diuretic, and thou

I saw this bumper sticker on the way home today:

Pee for enjoyment, not for employment.

It took me a while to figure that one out.

A good day for pants

Fleece-lined Thinsulate pants, that is.

It's absurdly cold today. I think they're calling for a high of -2°. My car started, though, which was an unexpected victory.

Oh, and it turns out that the yellow slimy guys contaminating my Rhodobacter plates aren't just my problem. Roger, from the Donohue lab (who gave me the wild-type culture in the first place) says he occasionally sees them too. The weird thing is that they only grow on a plate close to the Rhodobacter, like they need something being secreted into the medium. I just can't figure out where they're coming from. Roger suggested doing my counterselections anaerobically, which might kill them off. It's worth a shot.

I know that was fascinating to you all. I'm going to go make tea.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

And here we have the gourmand district...

Excellent discovery today...

We were making the rounds of the fancy pants grocery stores today, as we're wont to do whenever we forget how much food costs there, and found a new store right in between Penzey's spices and the Vespa dealership. Apparently it's the first Vom Fass store in the US, and it's amazing. Gourmet vinegars, oils, Scotch, brandy, and liqueurs, all available for tasting and mostly sold in bulk. We walked away with 100 ml of mango balsamic vinegar and 100 ml of pumpkin seed oil, but I expect to spend a lot of money there in the future.

Right next door is a new cutlery and kitchen supply store, too. Definitely an improvement over the "Chickadee Depot" tchotchke emporium that was in that space before.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Impact Factor

Through a fairly convoluted process of free-association web surfing, I ended up at the ISI Web of Science page today, checking the citation index for the various papers that have had my name on them over the years. Other than the fact that there are at least one cancer biologist and one psychologist publishing under the name "Gray MJ" right at the moment, guess what I found?

65 citations. Oh, yeah.

That's Mr. Eminent Scientist to you, buddy!

Seriously, though. That means somebody's read the darn things! That's so cool.

Monday, January 07, 2008

A Tale From The Past

I had a little free time this evening, and while perusing the little-used back directories of my computer, I found a whole bunch of stories, poems, plays, and whatnot I wrote in my impetuous youth. Some pretty weird stuff in there...

Many of you are probably familiar with the saga of Arnold von Winkelreid and the Time-Travelling Vikings, and some of you may even recall a certain Fairy Tale starring a giant named Beauregard and a mermaid named Lucille, but I don't believe this tale has ever seen the light of day...

Another Fairy Tale
by Michael Gray (age about 17, I'd say)

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far away, but not quite so far away so as not to get good television reception, there lived a handsome knight, a fearsome dragon, a beautiful maiden, and a large amorphous creature that thought it was an anemone, but was actually a jello mold with delusions of grandeur.

For a long time everything in this kingdom was happy and blissful. The dragon would abduct the beautiful maiden every Tuesday morning, carry her off to his cave to have his way with her, and every Thursday, after the dragon was good and tired, the knight would come and rescue her and carry her back to his castle. The beautiful maiden was doing pretty good.

In fact, late on Sunday nights, the beautiful maiden would often say to the jello mold, her very best friend, “What more could a girl ask for? I get to travel, and see the world, and every Tuesday, when my knight in shining armor is all tired out, I get abducted by a big strong dragon, who adds that touch of spice that the modern girl really needs in her life.”

The jello mold thought this was a fine life, and although it was not entirely sure whether it was a boy anemone or a girl anemone (although in fact, it was neither) thought that it would be wonderful to have a knight and a dragon and a cave and a castle of its very own.

So, as the years flowed merrily by, the jello mold became increasingly jealous of the beautiful maiden. Indeed, soon jealousy so consumed the poor jello mold that it no longer cared about how fine the television reception was, or how shiny the knights armor was, or even how many times the dragon was able to do it between Tuesday morning and Thursday night, which was mostly what the beautiful maiden talked about.

One day the jello mold decided that it had to do something. It squared its shoulders and said, “Am I a mouse or an anemone? It’s time to take action!” And with that, it leapt off of its table and scurried across the floor towards the door.

Now, also living in this kingdom, but unbeknownst to the knight, maiden, dragon, or even the jello mold, was a small cockroach. He lived under the refrigerator, with a nice girl cockroach and their 250 cockroach kids. They were a happy little family, but when the jello mold came scampering madly across the floor towards their home (The refrigerator looked a lot like a door to the nearsighted jello mold, who really didn’t know any better, but anyway...) the cockroaches were terrified.

“Oh my gosh!” cried the cockroach.

“Oh my gosh!” cried the nice girl cockroach, who hardly ever used such language.

“Oh my gosh!” cried all 250 cockroach kids, giggling madly.

“Now, children...” the girl cockroach started to scold, but her husband interrupted her: “Not now, dear! Get me the gun, and hurry!”

The girl cockroach rushed and got the gun down from its rack in the pickup truck. The cockroach took it and blew the onrushing jello mold into a million tiny little itty-bitty jello mold bits splattered all over the room.

Now, this was pretty gruesome, so of course the kids thought it was great. They ran out into the room and were jumping around, whooping and hollering, hooting and screaming, flinging little bits of jello mold innards at each other, making collages in the shape of Lyndon Johnson, using the bits to make that irritating squishy noise between their toes, and generally making a terrible, horrible, nasty, bloody mess.

The girl cockroach was mortified, and if you’ve ever tried to give 250 baby cockroaches a bath, you know why. She went careening out into the room, swatting kids with a rolled up newspaper, grabbing hold of them by the ears, and sent them all off packing to bed. There isn’t much worse than the wrath of a cockroach mom. This is why most cockroaches spend a lot of time out drinking with the boys.

But tonight, after the kids were sent to bed, the girl cockroach said, “That was very brave, Seymour.”

The cockroach, whose name was actually Lloyd, but who had never worked up the courage to tell her that, knew an opening when he saw one, and the two of them went off to bed together for a long, happy night.

Speaking of happy knights, right then the knight walked in. Now, being pretty squeamish, when he saw all that icky ex-jello mold splattered all over the room, he got pretty sick. In fact he got really quite incredibly sick all over his nice shiny armor.

Unfortunately, at that very moment, in came the beautiful maiden. The first thing she saw was her knight in shining armor vomiting his guts out all over the remains of her best friend, who was scattered hither and yon in a million icky fragments, piled up into little forts, shaped into a remarkably realistic effigy of Millard Fillmore, and generally not in absolute top form. This is not, according to most experts, the ideal romantic situation, and is bound to put a strain on any relationship.

Suddenly, in yet another remarkable plot coincidence, the dragon knocked on the door and came in. It was Monday, so no one was expecting him, but he needed to borrow a little paint to fix up his cave with. Now, being an unusually perceptive dragon, he realized that this was the big chance he had been waiting for. He snatched up the beautiful maiden, stepped on the knight, and flew off into the night, finally able to claim the beautiful maiden as his very own, with no competition from the knight, who he had never liked much anyway.

And so, all of them who were still alive lived happily ever after. The cockroaches finally had the castle all to themselves, the maiden got a little more stability in her life, and the dragon, though tired, was at least happy. Everyone else didn’t end up so happily, but those are the chances you take in a fairy tale.

The end.


I was kind of a strange kid, I think.

Saturday, January 05, 2008

It's a song about a monkey!

Great googly-moogly! It's music!

Tromp on over to Old Timey, Dammit to pick up my latest musical expectoration! Just a simple little ditty to get the hang of the ukulele, with a little rythym fruit and official wedding kazoo to liven things up.

That Jesse Fuller was one strange dude.